It’s been too long since I’ve last written. For the last few months I have been so busy with work and church and felt, maybe it’s time I need to stop what I’m doing and look at what I’ve been doing and ask myself: Am I happy? Am I being a blessing to others? Do I feel fulfilled, like I have a purpose? I’ve been asking myself those questions recently and unfortunately, cannot admit to saying yes to all, so it boils down to needed adjustments.
In the job I’m in, I’ve been driving to work and it takes me about one hour and half to get there and sometimes that does not include parking. Then, I usually sit at my desk perusing through emails, being on the phone, writing, walking from or taking car service from point A to point B for assignments, and more. It’s been okay, but I haven’t been feeling happy. You know, the kind of feeling where as soon as you wake up at 5:30 am or 6 am and can’t wait to work or the feeling like you’re going to make a difference…that feeling just is not there. It’s been lost and I think it’s showing on my job. Boss is great, the team is wonderful, but I am not happy (and I cannot stand it!). It’s a job I really wanted and now I feel like maybe I have a better purpose to fulfill and what that is I don’t know.
Church ministry is awesome! I enjoy engaging with others. I am the Interest Care Coordinator (like the customer relations rep) for my church and assist with the Communication Department. I am part of two wonderful ministries, but I feel like I am not doing enough to minister and be a blessing to others. Sometimes, I think, what more can I do? I hate to hear when people say, “We have not done that before and we can’t afford it, so that’s not a good idea,” and sometimes I think to myself of the many possibilities if we just go out and try. I have so many ideas to bring to the table but it goes out one ear and out the other. (I don’t gamble but if I did and if I won, hypothetically speaking, I would give some of that money to help my church, then the possibilities I dreamt would come to pass. Then, I snap myself out of dreaming and bring myself back to reality and see what can be done with the limited resources my church has.)
Then there is the needed adjustment of my esteem. I have to admit, I am pretty hard on myself when it comes to describing who I am. I downplay what I’m good at and sometimes compare myself to others thinking I’m not good enough. How did I ever start thinking that way? Well, maybe when I graduated college and started my career path and the goals I set did not result in the way I desired. I often fight with God a lot, and believe when I say, it’s okay to do so, because if you consider God your friend, you start to talk with him like a true friend (even raising your voice and being opinionated). But I love God because no matter how I talk with Him, He knows what’s best for me and He treats me as such, I just have to realize I am a woman of worth.
I was listening to a pastor from this church speak about adjustments. I thought it was very fitting to get the steps I needed to take. Here’s what he said. When I need to make adjustments, I need to:
- Embrace wise and godly wisdom
- Be open to making those needed adjustments
So, I’m committed to taking his advice and doing just that. How, I don’t know. If you pray, please keep me in your thoughts on these things. Never thought I’d need to make adjustments at this point but as I see it, life happens, right?